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A mummy-hand holding, (former) biker gang affiliating, hippie influenced semi crunchy granola mom's ramblings and reminisings on an off-kilter life

Monday, June 11, 2012

Why is there a decapitated gay designer in the car?

Why is there a decapitated gay designer in the car?

Flashback late 1990-something, when I was in high school... on tv was a gay home decorator, Christopher Lowell. Okay, remember this fact....

So my mom is, umm, eccentric. She is a hippy art teacher, which explains a lot; conjure up your idea of a hippy art teacher and you'll have my mom. Well she did and still does collect mannequins and has them in her classroom; they come home over the summer. A late night visit to the restroom or fridge for a snack, and if you forget they're there, a mannequin can scare the hell out of you. Oh and these mannequins get names, so you can I guess have midnight conversations...."holy cow Natasha, I forgot you were in the dining room, you gave me quite a fright. What's that? Phoebe is home for the summer too, and looking quite dashing in her vintage hat? She's in the living room eh, I will make sure not to trip over her on my way to the bath, thanks"...

Well one day my mom tells me to go warm up Evelyn- yes, cars have names too. So I go and warm her up and am about to hop into the passenger seat when what do I see but the decapitated head of designer Christopher Lowell, staring at me from the passenger seat! I know I screamed as this was quite a surprise.

Ok so it wasn't really Christopher Lowell's head but a new body-less mannequin that was a dead double of Christopher Lowell.

Fast forward ten years to the California fires of 2007 when my mom was evacuated and in the process of moving to Oregon and I had to adopt one of her mannequins, name forgotton. This mannequin was 2 1/2 dimensional- not 3-d exactly but like a barbie doll sliced vertically in half so one side is flat. This mannequin is painted flat black, no facial features or hair, and is missing an arm and a leg. Yes, this amputee victim resided in my garage for three years until on a cleaning spree, I figured she has been long forgotten by my mom (how dare she let her amputee mannequin "visit a relative" and forget about her 3 years later!!!) and so she ended up in the garbage. I wonder what the garbage man thought of her.

To clear my guilty conscience of tossing the amputee, I bought my mom a bust. When Mervyns went out of business they sold everything down to shelving units and mannequins but by the time I got there they only had busts. So, a bust she got for Christmas. And somewhere I have a photo of about 50 naked headless baby mannequins, on display at Mervyns...my mom got the bust and not a baby as the babies were just....creepy. Horror-film esque.

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