disclaimer or something

A mummy-hand holding, (former) biker gang affiliating, hippie influenced semi crunchy granola mom's ramblings and reminisings on an off-kilter life

Monday, June 11, 2012

Babies R Us is Evil

Why Babies R Us is Evil

Babies R Us is irksome. Why?

1. They won't hold an object unless you've paid for it in full. So, you know, if you have pregnancy/new mom brain and forgot your ATM card or whatever, and NEED an item, too freakin' bad.

2. The bathroom is waaaaay at the back, so for pregnancy potty emergencies,poopy barfy babies, etc.....ick.

3. More with the bathroom, I have lots of complaints here..... the door has handles so that you have to put your hand on the same handle that grimy sick kids that didn't wash their hands after #2 have touched. Nope, no paper towels to use as buffers either.

4. The blow dryers are demon spawn and whoosh at 1,000,000 decibels. You cannot even hear the person next to you, screaming, it is so loud. This shares the sh!t out of infants. Smart, real smart...Babies R Us.....

5. No free or even pay-for wipes or diapers. Hello, way to sell a product " complimentary Babies R us Brand wipes! Check the boxes of them out on aisle 3, super absorbent, soft, non-allergenic". Nope it is like a poopy baby nightmare, if you forget wipes or diapers you are screwed, and it isn't like you can rush to the cashier for a purchase since the cashier is half a mile away.

6. Which reminds me, they chronically understaff so that you have 10 moms with cranky kids in line.

7. The workers are extremely unhelpful. I can first of all, wander around the store with the where the f**k is _____ look that most store employees recognize, and after 10 loops of the store, still get no help. Then when/if I finally find someone, well, I might as well ask the muttering hobo outside for help to find something, he'd be of more service. "excuse me, miss, where do you keep bottle nipples?" "well umm, errr, um.... kinda....the west side of the store?" (Thanks, I only have to navigate 1/4 of the store now, thanks for the help.) Or, when you're in a rush with a cranky toothing kicking baby, or near the end of your pregnancy, waddling, completely brain dead, you say, "excuse me miss, I need to find some...d....it starts with D, goes on a baby butt, for poop and pee, a d.... it's plasticy, you throw it away when poopy, a d....." and they say "hmm, I don't know what you're talking about. A pair of snow pants? Vitamin D? Gas-Ex? Hmm the pants are, err...hmm... well they're NOT in the crib section..."  Which is why I like Lowes. Go in there and say "I'd like a thingy to put together the thingy that makes my door open and shut" and they'll walk you to the aisle, the specific item's place, and discuss the pros and cons of each item if you inquire. No "umm, well, ummm" there.

8. Selection. Look at their online store and it is a virtual smorgasbord of everything baby! Fill up that baby registry, mama, there's a cute bear paw crib set and a sparkly baby bottle set and omg, they have the cutest..... oops, sorry, not sold in stores, online only. Out of stock. Only available in a store 3,000 miles away. When you have online-inept older relatives, or simply people that like to go to a store and manually pick something out, or just don't want to pay for shipping, or remember you're pregnant when you're in labor so they need to get you stuff NOW, you are....screwed. They seem to only stock the ugly, soo-last-season, may-cause-cancer and choking items in the store.

9. Join their little club, get a discount card and coupons, yes!!! Except the coupons are only for one brand of diapers, detergent, and formula. So if you breast feed, cloth diaper, or just like a cheaper or different brand of detergent, formula, diaper, boo hoo. Then occasionally you're surprised with a 20% off one item coupon, score!!! Except... it has a disclaimer, "does not apply to......" and there is a very tiny lettered, very lengthy list that eliminates virtually every product brand in the store, plus any item already discounted. So if you really want, you might use that coupon for 20% off a $1 barley and okra flavored teething biscuit that even the dog won't go near.

10. I will give it to them that they have cute (albeit overpriced) clothing. The exhorbitant price ($32 for a pant and shirt set, for an infant, that will destroy it right before he grows out of it in two months???) is not the catch. The catch is, no matter what the age and gender of your baby, you will not find a single cute and/or discounted item for them. Anywhere. Ever. Did your one year old just spill chocolate milk all over the only shirt you brought with you? Well unless you want him in a sparkling pink frilled spaghetti strap onesie, or a 3T boy's shirt, well, chocolate milk just might have to be en vogue for today.

You might wonder, after this post, why you saw me at Babies R Us today. Scoff as you may, tsk tsk, but the one problem is, Babies R Us is a one stop shop. Instead of having to go to Target for the diaper pail refills and wipes, then 15 minutes away to Sams for diapers, the organic grocery another 15 minutes away for the jarred food, etc etc...you're stuck going to, voila, Babies R Us. And who has time to dash about the entire county for baby items?

Last thing, I had forgotten to mention. When I found a cute and on sale crib, I paid for it but left it there "on hold" since I was in a non-crib transportable vehicle that day. I go back the next day, pick it up, come home, go in to help hubby put it together (ok, I'm mechanically challenged, so I hold the nuts and bolts for him) and what the heck? Either this crib is a new style or, I am missing an entire SIDE of the crib. Yep, my box contained a three sided crib. I had to go back, explain my predicament to a bunch of different employees and managers (they seemed to think I was lying about a missing crib side?) before they finally believed me and had to order a new crib, which took two weeks. Man, had I been my usual procrastinating self, I'd be all, "honey, my water broke...can we go buy a crib on the way to the hospital?" and I've had had a drawer baby. Yep, my child would have been sleeping in the dresser drawer for two weeks.

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