disclaimer or something

A mummy-hand holding, (former) biker gang affiliating, hippie influenced semi crunchy granola mom's ramblings and reminisings on an off-kilter life

Monday, February 18, 2013

Not for the squeamish

Tmi stands for too much information and I give that warning right now for this post. Extreme tmi.

If maggots or needles or rotting flesh disgust you, leave.

If bodily functions of the most horrible kind, an descriptions thereof, disgust you, leave. Read any of my other posts but this ones not for the weak.

Still here? Okay...

So I have ummmm tummy problems. They come and go and flare up. Pregnancy makes them really flare up.

I will try and stick to some medical terms to keep this not so disgusting and personal. Not only does pregnancy flare this up but on and off, without warning, gluten will.

I sometimes have emergencies but they're not even that. I get a sort of fecal incontinence where a little bit leaks out without my even trying..not that I'd ever try. Without cramps, warning, indication of any kind. It happens maybe 2x a year. Once it happened in middle school while on vacation. Another time my senior year. Since then, 2x a year. Including today.

Then, I get these flare-ups where I get steatorrhea and bloody stool, with constant "goings" (as in I have to be home bound that day) and constant rectal pressure.

I am no doctor but fit the symptoms to a t for ulcerative colitis. It's no picnic.

Sure I could go to the doctors but there is no way in hell I am carting a nasty goopy poo down a winding road or them to look at. There is no way I am having them out tubes down or up me to scrape and biopsy a chunk of my butt or colon. It getting a colonoscopy till I am 50. I'm not having a barium enema. I'm not living off a liquid diet for three days and then injecting tons of laxative and sh1tting myself for 24 hours so that someone can shove something up me and hurt my already hurt colon. Especially when pregnant. Oh and also they often put you under general anesthesia and I have panic attacks and get violent and disoriented under anesthesia. When I wake up, I don't recognize anyone and curse and hit and kick and try to harm everyone including myself and I sob uncontrollably because I cannot control myself.

So I will just whine and moan and stay away from the best food ingredient even, gluten, and hope it un-flares

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