disclaimer or something

A mummy-hand holding, (former) biker gang affiliating, hippie influenced semi crunchy granola mom's ramblings and reminisings on an off-kilter life

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Stay at home mom

I suck at being a stay at home mom. And I hated it....yes, past tense.

I was unemployed for a year and a half, even though I have a MA and experience and bla bla. Long rant short, no one outside of education hires teachers in this economy, not even minimum wage jobs. There are 50-500 applicants per education job.

So I stayed at home and raised my son. I love him and watching him go from newborn to toddler was something I would not trade for the world.

But I hated being a stay at home mom. The mom part, albeit challenging, was fine. I mean I have worked in preschool through adult education so I love working with children.

It is the wife part, the homemaker part, I despised. I still hate the cleaning part. My house is a disaster. Partly I blame my son's poor health and 6 months of non stop double ear infections. Poor guy! So I could barely leave his side. I partly blame my parents because my mom's house...isn't a case of Hoarders but every surface is covered with trinkets, framed art, etc., every inch. I grew up thinking that was normal and it is a hard habit to break. Besides, I still must argue, why out away the can opener, toothbrush, Elmo doll, laptop, etc into a drawer if you are going to take it out and use it multiple times a day? Drawers are to put stuff away. Away away. I also partially blame myself cause I am lazy and hate hate hate cleaning. Especially folding and putting away laundry (yeah so it lives in the dryer or heaped on a chair), mopping, and anything requiring fine detailing.

I also at least hated cooking. No let me rephrase that. I love food and enjoy cooking but am slow as hell. I have lots f disasters. I forget ingredients. I try and get too creative and make inedibles. I also have an often sick child so it makes cooking a pain.

So I got a part time job. Yippee!

However, now I am expecting a second child due right when work is back in session, IF my contract is renewed. I have never been renewed, always victim if "Last In First Out" (google it!). I don't want to take 6 weeks off with a sub in my class. I don't want to only take 6 weeks off. I want more time. I don't want to lose my job and go through the pains of unemployment again. Of adding another temporary job to my repertoire of having worked over 15 jobs in 13 years.

I have began to come to terms with being a stay at home mom even though I am currently working. I want finances to magically do cool things so I can stay at home come August. I have began to learn to clean. Hubby wants a house that looks like a hotel. Ummmm it doesn't. I am so far from that but I am working on it. I am cooking almost every day and having fun doing it. My speed has increased and I have had less inedible disasters...although hubby is bummed I made goulash today instead of beef stew. I have psyched myself up to be a stay at home mom, in the face of adversity. I will either get renewed and work 6 weeks postpartum- boo a 6 week old in full time daycare. Or will struggle to find a job and end up doubting my abilities, while embracing being a stay at home mom.

Who knows what will happen, only time till tell.

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