It is almost midnight and I am wide awake. As in, I could go run on the treadmill kind of awake. As in why can't I be this alert in the daytime kind of awake.
When I usually encounter this I take a Benadryl and crash out. We are our I'f Benadryl. I'm screwed.
At least I know the nature of the beast tonight.
We were going to move but now, probably not. We are doing a load mod, or trying to, which is stressful. I just found a great daycare but its where we were going to move and it opens when I'm scheduled to begin work. An hour away. And my overly sensitive son will not do well there, I just know it. And I worry he needs speech therapy because he is about at the level of your average one year old (meaning just turned one) as he is stomaching his second year of life. And my hubby is snoring and I can not and never have been able to sleep if someone's snoring. And I am likely quitting my job. After gas and day care I come out negative so why work? It's stressing my son out. Hubby's job has been threatened- he can no longer miss work to watch or pick up my son early. I feel the grading policy and school culture fosters apathy and cheating, and the kids just refuse to do work and instead disrupt me and throw paper wads cause they can. Nothing can be done to change that. So why work? Add in the elections and ugh. My pick was 3rd party so of course a loss but the winner? Don't like him one bit. You can love him, each to their own and most of my friends love h. That's okay, I just think differently. But four more years depresses me. I got through the 8 Bush years, ugh, but was in my carefree 20s and didn't really care. And I lost an election I ran for; I ran locally and knew I'd lose but it still sucks. Oh and my moms visiting; I love her but she stresses me out more than any other person on Earth.
So yeah. I can't sleep. It's now past midnight, my stomach in knots, a sub called for my class tomorrow ( stress is making me feel crappy) and to boot I am worried they won't get a sub. Gr. stop worrying and start sleeping.
And so ends my stream of consciousness, off to find some website to lull me to sleep. I hope.
That's just the thing about insomnia, isn't it? That in the middle of the night, when you can't do anything about anything, you think about all the things that you need to do SOMETHING about.
ReplyDeletesigh.
hope you got some sleep.