disclaimer or something

A mummy-hand holding, (former) biker gang affiliating, hippie influenced semi crunchy granola mom's ramblings and reminisings on an off-kilter life

Monday, November 19, 2012

The Autumn of Indecision

This autumn has been full of stress due to the indecision an back-and-forth games of big life decisions.

I will be kind of brief here cause I've blogged about my indecisions before.

I got a part time job in October. My son was actually harming himself in day care, screaming and biting himself. He got kicked out. My job was stressful, the students completely unruly and disrespectful. I dreaded work. I dreaded having my son harm himself in day care. I was ready to quit. I called HR and found out it takes months to get a replacement and my record gets tarnished. So I decided, why stay 4 months then quit when I can just suffer through the year, my contract ending without repercussion in 6 months?

Then I own two homes. A small suburban home we rent out and a larger home in the boonies. We were prepping suburb house and enjoyed the convenience of civilization. We had to not pay the boonie house mortgage to do a loan mod and then we were all, ooh big house how nice. Then we were all, oh it's remote, we get cabin fever, the commute is dangerous in the winter weather, we hate it, get rid of it. For simplicities sake.... I will say we did this yes no thing well over a dozen times. We even ordered and canceled a u-haul truck. Twice. In one week. And I am still not sure where we are living but....maybe I do know.

I grew up as an only child and hated it. I despise the first few month of newborn sleep deprivation hell so that made me think, no more kids. I grew tired of people asking me why I had just one child. But, either way I decided I wasn't going to try. Just let it be. And then I decided, yes let's have another, but again leave it up to free. And now...

I might be moving to the remote but roomier house as I might be adding to my family. Cause two pee sticks can't be wrong, right?

But I don't believe it yet.

And I still feel full of indecision, house and job wise.

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