disclaimer or something

A mummy-hand holding, (former) biker gang affiliating, hippie influenced semi crunchy granola mom's ramblings and reminisings on an off-kilter life

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

I can make it just one more day...crap...year

Disclaimer, I wrote this on 11/9 and my computer and internet had a fight and lied to me, claiming it posted.

So first of all, I got called a b!tch today by my sutdents. a lot. I got my name erased from the board. My laptop unplugged. Fuk you written on the board. I HAD to respond to fuk you. Seriously that is what it said, not f u ck but fuk. I said to the class, "seriously/ You're in an English class. Whoever wrote tis cannot even spell the offensive term they're trying to piss me off with." Or something like that.On that note....My big secret thing I was deciding...if to keep my job.It stresses me out.My son has issues at daycare; he was biting himself and covered in bruises.Hubby could not take any more time off work to rescue my son, or he'd lose his job.I love teaching but this job....umm....yeah....it makes me want beer. At lunch. Which I can't do.I struggled all yesterday with the choice- stay or quit? And I knew quitting meant never. teaching. again. But I was ready. My heart was in it. I'd quit. I'd quit for myself, for my family, and be a stay at home mom. I was ready.So I was ready to quit yesterday, went in ready to quit and had to wait till the end of the day with lack of time. I counted the minutes till the dismissal bell. I survived today just barely...just thinking "only tomorrow and its over". You can do it, I told myself. It felt so liberating, to wake before dawn knowing I could sleep in soon. The kids throwing paper wads, cursing, talking over me would soon vanish. To know my son would be okay and I'd never have to worry. I'd miss teaching but it was in the cards...I'd be just a mom. And then I was told the whole process of quitting can take months. Months. Like until March. School gets out at the end of May, so why create drama and hatred and suffer till March when I can leave quietly into the night in May?Ugh. So I'm staying and throwing a flip the switch (replace sw with b). No more Mr. Nice Guy. We will practice enering the class until we have it right. Then if they interrupt my instruction, back to entering the class and guess what? That same lecture. Again. Till then can compose themselves correctly. I even have a yard duty whistle which I am not afraid to use. I will no longer say "be quiet. I'm waiting." Nope. Sure we will ose a day of instruction but I hope to gain a day of sanity and peace.

1 comment:

  1. Go! the whistle is a great idea. When I was student teaching, long long ago, two veteran teachers each gave me some advice: the first, a totally maternal looking woman, said "swear loudly to the entire class once a term. Not more than that or they'll get used to it. Once will get their attention." And the other, a little old lady in pearls, said "take the trouble-makers one by one into the hall where there aren't any witnesses and threaten the shit out of them." Swear to god. And they were both absolutely right. Good luck.