disclaimer or something

A mummy-hand holding, (former) biker gang affiliating, hippie influenced semi crunchy granola mom's ramblings and reminisings on an off-kilter life

Thursday, August 2, 2012


I am joining the gym. Some might look at me and be all, "you had a baby? You skinny b!tch...." or whatever, but everyone should take care of their body. I want to firm up my little love handles, and stretch my back so that my back issues are resolved or at least better, and so that my asthma is improved. It is kind of a double-edged sword though, cause you can help strengthen muscles to help abate your asthma, or you can cause exercise induced asthma. ***************f you blogger for not making paragraphs***************** The gym people said I should join the sport conditioning class. The kind but super toned, perfectly matched exercise outfit lady said, "You will HURT. You will not be able to MOVE for three days or so, not even vacuum or bend down but it is sooooo good". I don't get it. I'm sorry but I like to be able to move. And having a hyper toddler, I have to be able to move. ****************************************** Ok, so you might think I'm just lazy, no pain no gain baby. But no. Back in the day, probably 5 years ago, I could bench 100 lbs and leg press 200. So I am no wimp, just, 3 days of immobilization sounds a)crappy b)does not fit my lifestyle, because toddlers do not take care of themselves********************************************************* So today is yoga.......********************************************************8
downward dog. Do this for a few minutes and
you WILL feel it.
Pigeon pose. I can't quite do it that well
but doesn't it just say ouch?
So I am back from the gym. I was the schmexy new girl in turquoise monkey pajama pants, knee high socks, and a pill-y ratty blue tshirt. With the screaming baby next door in day care. Gentle new age music wafts through the room, the instructor says breathe, let out your (WAAAAAAAH) stress for the day, relax and (WAAAAAAAH) stretch.
The regular yoga instructor was ill so we got the massage therapist across the street. While he was very knowledgeable of yoga, I still have ot just describe my experience. ********************************** The instructor was some blond surfer looking dude that reminded me of the creepy sexual healer guy in Sedona (I don't know the Sedona dude but he is always on late night tv. Just google Sex healer Sedona and click images) mixed with, and I'm rating myself, the lead singer of the 90s Ausssie band Silverchair. The yoga guy was the buff, long, why cant my hair be that pretty, guy who should say "cha....dude" after everything, voice all deep and scratchy from too much ummm herbal remedies. And yes. He brought incense. Now, I do yoga for the exercise. Some think it is all meditating and relating and going "oooom". Sure that is a part of it, the part I do not like, the part I sit there trying to stifle a giggle, where I try and see if anyone fell asleep, and where I think about laundry and stuff in hopes I don't laugh.  But using your own body for resistance, that part, IS exercise. I dare you to, in an hour, to do two dozen downward dogs, ten minutes each side of the pigeon pose, balance on one leg for two minutes, etc. So I do all that. My body feels much better, relaxed but also all shaky and weak from lactic acid I burnt off. Yes. I feel better than, say, if I did the sports conditioning. Heck I even came home and could vaccuum, But I still feel like I'm old, my butt whooped from an hour of yoga. Yoga. *******************pointless paragraph and end of a thought****************downward dog sounds dirty but isn't. I might try pilates tomorrow. I smell like incense. Whenever any yoga person touches me to put me in the right position, I want to giggle. I also want to giggle when even, say, a doctor touches me or like when I was a kid and my back doctor told me to walk to check my posture and I'd laugh. I'd even laugh at the chiropractor. That makes me weird.  My post here is dying on the vine.....

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