disclaimer or something

A mummy-hand holding, (former) biker gang affiliating, hippie influenced semi crunchy granola mom's ramblings and reminisings on an off-kilter life

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

I'm a 007 spy. Or one nosy girl who needs to mind her own business.

Apparently, according to chat group (whoa there pardner, dating yourself....internet talky chatty thread posty thing?) I am nosey, VERY nosy. Like mind your own business b!tch level nosy.

So that aside,,,beware...I AM COMING TO A STORE NEAR YOU! Or neighborhood, etc.

I am a busy-body nosy jerk  people watcher and observer of life, a person who ruminates and wonders about the mundane. Here's why....

1. I look into people's windows. WAIT NO! NOT LIKE A PEEPING TOM! But if hubby is driving through the neighborhood and someone has their window open, I glance inside. You never know, the hottest trend in home design may be three doors away. Living in a cookie-cutter neighborhood, many have my exact floor plan so it ups the ante of curiosity. I also check out front yard landscaping on my daily (ok, weekly) walks. Don't like it? Close your windows. Cover your lawn in a tarp.
       And being so blind I can't see the eye chart with my glasses off (and can only read most of it, with one eye, with them on) I'm really not going to see anything anyways. I just will think the blurry fuzzy yellow blob where your kitchen should be, which is glowing, looks like it could be a cool hanging light made of blown glass. But maybe your house is on fire. I dunno.

2. I look into your shopping card, egads!!!! Call the police! Apparently, no one else on earth has ever done this and has better things to do in a long arse line than look at other people's purchases. And apparently no one in the entire universe thinks about these purchases, as I do, like "WTF? Why is she buying an ENTIRE CART of q-tips at 2am?" (true story) or "Aunt Flo visiting? Two gallons of ice cream, Steel Magnolias DVD, cookies, and Bartles and James Strawberry Daquiri" (another true story) or "duuuude we are soooo gonna get some, and maybe get arrested with the frat bros, and these three 24 packs of Natty Ice beer and two jugs of 151 at 10pm on a Friday" (again, true story.) See, my accusation of being a solo freak in the cart-spying activity came about in one of those post-modern chat groups where I wondered if anyone actually bought vegetables. On a busy day at work, I had to get something to eat RIGHT THEN (in my defense I was pregnant) and ran to the grocery store and to get my mind away from work, I noticed...EVERY CART contained chips, ice cream, white bread, bologna (or other nasty processed "meat" like product), soda, and cookies/cupcakes/pre-made sweets. Every cart. And so that makes me a freak. Go ahead. Look in my cart too. I welcome you to. OH!! THAT REMINDS ME! I went to Walmart a few weeks ago and needed bleach and some pantyhose. I realized that purchase was just awesome and was quite tempted to buy a crowbar and some beer to complete the awesome, WTF purchase in case anyone was a secret spy like I was, but, while hubby thought it was funny (and the crowbar his idea, less obvious than a shovel)  he persuaded me not to do so...besides, we really didn't need a crowbar and I can't have beer anymore.

3. I listen to conversations. I mean, I won't sneak up on you to get a better listen, but if you are screaming into your phone about your arsehole boyfriend and how he gave you VD, I'm totally going to listen because how can I not? If you are in a restaurant and don't use your inside voice to tell your kindergartner that Obama is a socialist and MLK would have "rid of him" and that "your teacher's religious worship of the Satan I refuse to call president is wrong, please tell her so" then hecks yeah I'm going to listen. How can you NOT?

1 comment:

  1. I'm nosy...errr...I mean observant as well. Between the two of us, we could infiltrate major organizations!