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Adrenal insufficiency. So from running oit of my corticosteroid for my asthma, I caoused myself adrenal insufficiency. Your adrenal glands don't do...whatever they do when you cut the steroids cold turkey and you get weak and tired and your body can be achy or tingly. And you go into a deep depression. Yup. So that was me a few days ago. I am on the mend. I even dropped off my wailing mommy-obsessed boy at grandma's for two hours to give myself, as I mended ,a VERY rare mommy break. I eat sleep breathe with my son .but man on my mommy break I went clothing shopping and the trends now suuuuuuck. Fashionistas found three styles...bitchy 80s catalogue women fashion, like xiggarette ads, of cloting no one actually wore back then; 80s trailer trash hand me downs, and my 80 year old grandma's bliuses fro mthe 80s meet Michael Jackson glitter and glam. What the freak.

the funny farm aka looney bin

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i sabed this cool thingy, and took a phot. Then my itchy shirt tag, five hours later, turned out to be a stealthy hidden two more body gzzzt sensor things..... So I almost went to the looney bin today. Or something. So I have lately been super fatigued and have had bad asthma and just a bleh feeling. And so I went to the doctor where the fun began.°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°° The doctor let's call him Dr. India comes in and asks what is wrong. I explain and he gives me that look. You know, the uh huh, nut job look. I explain my fatigue, that it feels like when you are sick and you nap and then you wake up but you are like meh I guess I will just lay o nthe couch till I fall back asleep again. He says no, no clue what I am talking about and gives me the look again. Then says that my oxygen levels are 100% so it can't be asthma. He says maybe it is heartburn. Or maybe a cold. Maybe it is asthma but it went away. Maybe it is a panic attack. Maybe it is a heart condition. (What is with the maybes,dr. India? You are the doctor ,I did not come for a laundry list of maybes).So then he asks if I have ever had a panic attack. I think, hmm, they run in the family and I might have had one once. See I was on the freeway in the middle lane and a semi in the fast lane and one in the slow both wanted to occupy my lane. With me in it. So I accelerated and escaped by like a few inches as they went into the middle lane an then realized, within inches, we could not all be there at once. So was it a panic attack or just a crap I almost died? So then I think, ok so am I having a panic attack today? I have felt kind of i nthe dumps but a year of unemployment and a continuous loop of Caillou will do that to anyone. Crap. Does he think I am nuts? Dr .India did give me THAT LOOK? TWICE. Do I look crazy? Well my hair is that frizzed out hobo meth addict crazy lady hair but that is some Chicago made me do it frizz hell that has even baffled the most expensive of Aveda products and representatives. Am I acting bonkers? I did have like 8 pugfs of my inhaler today, an energy drink, and two cups of coffee so I am twitching like a tweeker but even with that much crap in my system I still want a nap. So dr. India decides to do an EKG on me. Now my caffiene filled veins are doing a fast paced drum solo. My dad had 3 heart attacks and now I am getting hooked to a heart monitor?°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°° So Nurse Alt lifestyle comes in (I habe nothing against her lifestyle, my uncle was like that but I am trying to paint a mental image for my readers) gives me a gown and i realize how well it matches my light blue shorts. She knocks to come i nwith the machine and I am coughing so I don't answer till she kmockscagain. I apologize and she says she too has been coughing lately. So I at least do not feel like a freak. Well, I might still be the tweaking frizzy haired meth addict but at least my cough is legit. I get hooked up and begin to get scared. My mom has a hole in her heart. My dad had heart attacks. My husband is the kind of guy that thinks a splinter is going t ogive me gangrene so what the hell do I tell him? I have to turn my cell off and what if he texts me and I don't answer and he thinks I am dead and he comes i nand sees me hooked up to a bunch of wires? What if it is some deadly condition or a mystery condition and I am here all day with xrays and blood tests and stuff?what if it comes back fine and then they really think I am nuts? They might send me to the looney bin for sure. (So they didnt. They said oh you ran out of your asthma cortisone stuff and you have severe asthma since you wrre here in April. So take this medicine bla bla bla)Apparently I am the bad patient who does not control her asthma that the doctors do not think I have.

cook au vin

The dishwasher remains broken but with a now working sink, I did dishes and then made a huge mess from cooking that I do not want to clean. I made coq au vin and who knows if it will be edible simce I had to strain a can of chicken rice concentrate soup to beget broth because for the first time in history my household is empty of broth. Usually we have a dozen or so, no joke. And my roasted potatoes are not so roasting at 250 degrees. And why did I write cook au vin, its coq au vin you idiot? Because I am the cook .au vin. So I had to hunt down red wine since hubby loves white (I am a red headed red wine girl myself but hey wine is wine) and I had to make sure it hadn't decayed into vinegar s oI poured a one ounce shot glass full. Yep tastes fine but why do I feel so happy and why can't I type properly? Oh. It is 5pm and all I have had in 12 hours is a sausage patty, a hashbronw patty, and two handfuls of funyuns cause I just was not hungry today. So it has gone strait to my brain and I feel like some dumb jr high kid or really, like that time myfreshman year in hs when I had half a glass of scotch, thinking it was as alcoholic as my moms wine coolers mixed with sprite. Theroad was squishy. SquishyvI tell you. Ok I am not as bad off as squishy roads at all, more just as if I had a large glass of wine, but I love my squishy road story.

Well that's just dandy...

...My sink faucet detached from the base and stripped some part we had to mail order, so the kitchen sink is broken. Has been since Thursday. Okay, I will just wash them in the bathroom sink and put then through the dishwasher. Nope. Saturday, the dishwasher begins to gush water like Niagara Falls and it needs some new part now, too. So I am rinsing dishes in the bathroom, soaking them in my mop-bucket, then rinsing them off in the front yard with the hose. Awesome.

4+4 = 8 except, you know, when it doesn't

So I was thinking, hmm, the education job market is a dying horse so why not try myself at something new, something that is, you know, actually applicable to many careers, cause apparently teaching students and analyzing student data and training staff is applicable only in the classroom (argh!) but I digress...

So since virtual teaching jobs are impossible to get, and I would love to not commute, stay at home, I told hubby that maybe I should do computers. He does computers. I can't describe what he does because his job description is over a paragraph long. He uses lots of acronyms. So basically he manages a team of ABCs around the world and does software architecture for DEF and risk analysis for GHI and works with fortune 500 companies with their JKL software and occasionally moonlights as a MNO for PQR. So, you know, he should know computers.

  Me: So maybe I should learn a computer code or skill or something. But what would I be good at?

  Hubby: Well probably anything, really, it isn't that hard

  Me: And I might get a job cause how many caucasian girls code or whatever? I mean, a white female teacher is a dime a dozen but...hmm...so what is an easy thingy to learn and do?

  Hubby: Well how about Oracle and ABC DEF XYZ?

  me: oooookkkkaaayyyy.....sssuuurrreee.... what the....?

  Hubby: Ok it's easy. So you worked on data tables for your job, so let's say you look at a column and you will do pseudo code for it. Like, add X+2 as I count to 100, you know, if I were the column.

  Me:So are they two columns, like you're counting and I'm going la la la can't hear you and I just do X+2 the whole time for 100 spaces?

  Hubby: What? No. No. Not at all. Geez. Duh.

  Me: Oh so I'm adding X+2 when you say 1. Then X+2 when you say 2.

  Hubby (all excited): exactly. So what do you get for 2?

  Me: uummmmm (flashbacks of algebra in high school. Can't sleep, variable clowns will XYZ me) uuummmm.... x+2? So 2+x+2 or 2 times X=2? Or is 2 the X?

  Hubby: Arrrggh!! forget it then. You suck at math. (My son cries) see even your son is sad that you suck so bad at math.

  Me: (Silent treatment for a bit) I'm still confused by the X+2 thing

  Hubby: Ok so let's say I'm counting cups of tea. You add 2 teaspoons of sugar to each cup I count

  me: Ohh! (man is algebra actually that easy? ) Oh I totally get it now that it's real stuff. (And I think, but if I'm doing this stupid X+2 thing at a job, I will need to know what the freak X is and why I'm adding two. I mean I get X cups of tea with 2 teaspoons sugar each but x+2? No clue man.) Ok. So what else?

  Hubby: Ok so if I again count to 100, add 4+4. Ready? (and I nod) So what would 1 be?

  me: 1 is 1 plus 4+4 so 9

  Hubby: Good what about 2? 3?

  me: 2 is 2 and 4+4 so 9, I mean 10, and then 3 is 11.

  Hubby: No! Geez! I give up! Computers are not for you. Go back to teaching.

  Me: But... (baffled) 4+4 is always 8 and so you add that to 2 and you get 10, 3 and it is 11.

  Hubby: No it isn't. God. This is like coding 101 for dummies and you can't get it. 2 is 12 and 2.

  me: huh? Oh! You're adding another 4! I got it! Why didn't you clarify?

  hubby: ARGH! I DID. I DID. I said add 4+4. I GIVE UP.

  me: But....but.... so it's like an exponent or multiplication or something, like exponents cause it grows exponentially, 4+4 and then 4+4+4 and then 4+4+4+4. Why didn't you say that?

  Hubby: I DID honey. I said add 4+4 each time.

  Me: No you didn't. I get it now. You know, if you say it right. Not like 4+4 each time. I bet if you asked 100 strangers to do that 4+4 thing, they wouldn't get it either.

  Hubby: It's coding 101. And no, you don't get it. Cause 4+4 is right. It's pseudo code, math, which you fail to comprehend. Try SAP maybe.

  me: Systems Admin...protocol? (yes! I'm smart, see, I know computer language and acronyms!)

  Hubby: No just SAP. It's a software.

  me: Oh that SAP. I see the logo in my mind. I saw the logo of theirs originally but thought it was a brand of food or shoes or attorneys or something.

  hubby: (rolls eyes) Just help me put the groceries away.

  So see folks? 4+4 is 8 except, you know, when it isn't, which I should totally know. Everyone should know, right? And now I know the joke, "If i have 10 ice cubes and you have 11, how many pancakes can fit on a roof? Purple, because aliens don't wear hats"  is totally true and certainly the answer. 

nerd power

Apparently I am a nerd. My husband says so at least, and he knows me best. I guess postcars collecting, genealogy obsessed, bookwormy bloggers are nerds. If so, then I am all for nerd power. Besides, he isaself diagnosed geek so we're even. But about blogging especially, it rocks. No where else can a creative, intelligent, somewhat reclusive, bizarre wierdo unique girl survive and thrive but through blogging. Nowif only I could gain fame and friendship via my blog.... but then, how do you blog and live a life outside html code? I want to be an educational change agent as well. Who will want a principal who blogs about poop?

Why I'm still unemployed

You know how people scream, get a job?!?! It ain't that easy. And yes I have a freaking MA degree and yet no job.

I can apply to McDonalds or whatever but
 a) they want experience since putting fries in oil is difficult
 b) don't want someone with a Master's degree frying french fries
c)once I work, I have to pay child care ($1,000 month) plus pay back my student loans ($1,000) and gasoline ($100-1000 month depending on the commute) and I mean if I work, I want to not just pay child care, loans, and gas, cause why even work? Unless you get some spare money to pay bills, save for vacation, buy ice cream with, etc. So I need to make, after taxes, over $2500 month. That ain't mimimum wage folks, I need to make $15 hour or more.

I can apply to jobs in my field. You know, that at least 200 others who are equally or more qualified apply to. Wait, I am doing that and have been for over a year, to over 500 jobs.

I can apply to jobs in my field but "beneath" me. Wait, been doing that too. I apply to teaching jobs but every HR person knows I must obtain an Admin position in the next 4 years or my credential and 2 years of work are null and void, so I'm essentially a temporary teacher forced by circumstances to look for a job other than teaching.

I can apply outside my field. I mean if I can teach, I can manage, train, design, sell, assist, care for others, problem solve, etc. Awesome.  Like, I can....
1. Train people at X Factory to make furniture. Wait. I need at least a) 1 yr experience training people to make chairs, and I need to be fully bilingual. Sure I can habla espanol and ask for a taco sin queso, or tell you your child's homework is late, but I'm not the bilingual they are looking for.
2. Be a truck driver. Cause my bro in law has been looking for a truck driving job for over a year. And I can't drive stick and lack any depth perception....I'd be a danger on the road. So, nope.
3. Virtual Shopping Center Supervisor- hey all you need is a high school diploma! Check! (But it also means you probably make $9 an hour). And 2+ years warehouse experience (read: minimum wage) and experience using those hand scanner grocery clerk thingies. Ability to operate motorized equipment such as forklift. (refer to truck driver job please). Hmph. So I can't work at that $10 an hour job.
4. Teach English in Asia...hey I'm qualified! But I'd have to relocate my entire family. And you still have to pay taxes, don't get benefits, and make $30,000 a year. I mean $30,000 is my minimum income but to afford to move, fly there, buy furniture, and pay for health stuff out of pocket...umm...no.
5. Career Services Advisor. Y College. Yes! I can do that and for $19 an hour I can gasp survive financially. Ok...has HR or related field degree, check, excellent communication skills, check, knowledge of visual arts industry.... kinda...I like to draw... 2 years experience in career counseling and 1 year marketing.... crap. fail.

Ok so maybe I need to get warehouse experience, train people in a factory, career-counsel, and market/sell stuff. ok.

So to do training factory people,
I can be a mattress specialist! Now that is a random, specific, awesome job. I mean I like sleeping so that means I'm an expert right? As a mattress specialist I can merge into X Factory trainer. Except I need experience in retail, supervisory positions, and mattress selling. Ok so I can get a job selling mattresses, then become a supervisor, then a specialist, then work as a X factory trainer. Crap. To sell furniture/mattresses, all the jobs I find require 2 years experience selling furniture. How can I sell furniture if I need experience selling furniture? And it would take me probably 5 years to even become a mattress specialist let alone X Factory trainer.

I KEEP SEEING THIS PROBLEM, YOU NEED  YRS EXPERIENCE IN LOW-LEVEL JOB, THE ONLY WAY TO GET THAT JOB IS TO HAVE X YRS EXPERIENCE IN THAT LOW-LEVEL JOB. So How do you even get a job then? It's like saying, hi this is McFastFood, and to become a p/t burger flipper you must have 5 yrs experience burger flipping. WTF?!?!

Ok I will work in a warehouse making widgets. I can unload merchandise for a Mart corporation, you know, at minimum wage so I can't earn that little with childcare, commute, loans, etc. And again I need 2 YEARS EXPERIENCE in this entry level position, to get, an entry level warehouse position. And again I don't drive a forklift.

OK I will Career-Counsel. Hey academic dean at a community college! Wait...2 yrs experience as an academic dean in a community college required. Crap. Hmm there are career counseling jobs, none in my exact area but some in my state which require, you guessed it, 2 yrs experience in career counseling.

Marketing, I can do that. One position, must be recent college grad hey....that's me, I mean I finished my MA not my BA but yeah. Yeah. Wait. They want someone who has NO job experience. Crap. Oooh, how about...hmm...looks like a pyramid scheme. That job as well. Hmm here's another but you need only high school education, so, minimum wage and it looks like a calling center. Umm, no.

Ok I am NOT being picky about jobs as you can see. I just need to earn enough to pay for the job itself, and I need one where I have the experience needed. So I'm screwed.

But then I thought maybe, when I apply to jobs, even those I listed which I wasn't qualified for, maybe my resume looks weird. No...some don't even ask that just a name and number. Name! My name or email or something must be evil, you know, they google it and some serial killer has my same email or something. That HAS to be why I still can't get a job even though I apply to jobs every day. So I google my name and email. Nothing too exciting, some of my published writing, a vocabulary quiz for my students, some person with my name runs track, oh crap supposedly my email without the @(mail carrier.com) part, is sexy boob. I did not show my sexy boob to any Korean website or anyone for that matter. I supposedly also play fashion games, a book and restaurant review that are actually me, and that's it. It has to be the boob but its one of those site descriptions where its all like...  boobs coffee bunny rabbits disorderlywanderlust happy sexy body. But again it is not my boob. and with the boob website, it has basically everyone on earth's email name in there.

So....hmmm...I'm unemployed because of imaginary boobs, and the fact that I need experience in XYZ before I can get a job in XYZ which only requires a high school diploma.

So maybe my original idea, that I smell funny, is the real reason.

Welcome to Arizona, no bra required

I was bra-less in Arizona a few days ago. No I wasn't going all Girls Gone Wild at Havasu but yes my bra was not in my possession. °°°°°°°°°°°°°°

my son had survived me being gone for five hours, his longest time without me EVER, when I had an interview (see my previous post, below). He survived because I guess he had found my pajama top and was snuggling to it in his crib all day. So......after a long drive with many more hours to go ,as we cross into Arizona, i think....crap my son will not last. He hates the car seat and needs to be held. I can tell. But you can't do that in a moving car.crap. then it dawns on me, get him something that smells like me, like when he snuggled to my pajama top. So... I brainstorm and voila! I unhook my bra and like a girl at a Beatles concert ,I fling it into his awaiting eager hands. Success! He smiles and sniffs my bra and snuggles to it like a teddy bear. And falls asleep. But like the feminine napkin on the light during our last road trip,my hubby looks back and is all wtf?did you know our son has your bra? Why?

unemployed but no, I won't do that no no I won't do that

I think anyone rreading my blog or who knows me knows I have been unemployed for 14 MONTHS so I am getting a wee bit snarky about it. I was thinking I must smell funny and just no one has had the heart to tell me, except that I have only had 5 interviews out of over 500 job apps so I can't smell on paper or via an emailed application. But what the f*ck gives?
°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°° So I applied to over 50 jobs in the Midwest, not where I live, and got an interview!yes an interview! So I drove over an hour there and had a 5 hour interview. Well really the interview itself was super brief, most of the 5 hours were spent with me typing a 8 page response to some rubrics and case studies and stuff. The interview I probably bombed because it was so....weird. The interview panel was dressed down, like they were at the grocery store while I was stuffed into a black hot suit in 100 degree weather, since it was an administrative position (has to look " in charge") and going in a bikini wasn't optional. So then the questions were funky. They were "explain a time when at work you didn't feel you got the recognition you deserved. Explain a time when you struggled with a deadline. Explain a time...." And I felt like an idiot. I am usually rapid fire speaking,like an auctioneer ,at an interview and suddenly it was like I caught stupid. Umm, hm...(pause) let me think (pause..search ten years of work experience in seconds) umm..oh! Well this one time...(no not at band camp). The panel gave interview stink eye, like, you have to have an answer and never isn't the answer ,so hurry up you idiot.
°°°°°°°°°°°°°So I didn't get the job. Not even a courtesy call, email, or letter ,youk now, "thanks for showing up and wearing a hot dark suit in blazing heat when our a/c wasn't working. Thanks for your interview and you didn't make the cut because you are dumb. And your essay questions show you care about children so obviously you don't fit in. Besides, when we checked your resume and references,flames shot out and a demonic ghost said to not hire you. So here is your official letter of rejection .f*ck you.". Nope
 °°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°So what do I mean about caring about children? Well, while I need a job, I am glad I wasn't hired. Like that Meatloaf song, edited for my situation , I'd do anything for a job but I won't do that no no no I won't do that. So..ok...would you send your child to a school that.. 1. Does not have recess. For your kindergartner. ( well, kinder through 6th grade), not even a break where kids can run around or socialize or sit and zone out. 2. For a technology centered school, they had a computer lab with old desktop pcs. That is it for technology and you would come in once a week to do test prep on the computer. 3. They had lunch of course but only 30 no...20 minutes. With no recess, they would just sit and eat. In assigned seats. With only the kids in their class, so if you wanted to eat with your friend in the other 5th grade class, too bad, they had a separate lunch periods? 4 OR WHATEVER SINCE MY NOOK IS ONLY LETTING ME SEE THE LINE I AM TYPING the students never got rewarded for good stuff .sure, you need intrinsic value to want to do well. But sometimes you really need a hello kitty eraser to motivate you to turn in your damned homework. And with no recess, imagine how the super hyper misbehaving kids would be. Hello, sometimes even the teacher needs the kid to get a "bribe" to be good. If little Billy can stop cursing the teacher out, slapping girl's behinds, and throwing spit wads, because he gets a stickers for having a good day ,give him the damned sticker already .that way the teacher can go home and not empty a bottle of vodka to unwind. 5. I believe in academics and I am always blabbing about more rigor and academics in school...heck I am writing a book about it (been om hiatus for 4 months, so what). But academics and rigor needs balance and options and ways to help all learners and encourage learning ,blablabla .so when I inquired about music or art programs ,I was told they did not have them. Ok sure, my state is like that, they cannot afford an elementary art teacher but on those rare easy days, or for Lincoln's birthday or whatever, you make a macaroni Lincoln or you fingerpaint a pretty picture ,right? Sorry, no .at this school even that was seen as non academic and thus not allowed ever.

who am I and where do I live again?

So let's see.....we leave Indiana Saturday afternoon and encounter severe thunderstorms so we stop early, at sundown in Missouri- one town before one that had 70 mph winds and damaged homes! Then we get up early and are road bound by sunrise. We head to Oklahoma city for the rv. Turns out the one main Chevy dealer in the state is closed on Sundays. Freaking great. Luckily a security guard greets us and we are al, umm you guys have our keys to our rv. Nope no they don't apparently. So they call the boss as we hold our breath.m.voila, he had hidden them somewhere. Keys in hand ,we head to the rv...which is blocked in by multiple vehicles with out keys. Over an hour later of inching the rv around, we get out and drive to the edge of OK and spend the night in a hotel because of fore casted hail. Up at dawn the sun rises as we start the rv. And we drive and drive and drive until almost 11pm, past Flagstaff .we pull into a campground and I am tired and this campground is different than the other one in AZ... no special envelope with my name and campsite number, just a late registration packet. Where it says campsite # it is blank but the packet says in scribble on the far corner, 117 .i figure someone had used the packet before and scribbled stuff on it. We park in site ten and rest. For not even three hours .we pull out at 2am. Why? Well the desert was 115 the day before and our old, mileage a plenty rv does not do well in that kind if heat so we have to beat the heat,but needed that short rest to give us enough energy to continue. So we drive and drive and get home at 10am which my brain things is noon central time, but after a 2am wake up.....I am on twilight zone...where am I again? What day is it and what time is it? Did I eat yet today? °°°°°°°°° so..our neighbor has many moments of senility. So come to find out, he thinks we are not, well, who we are and that we have broken into our house. So to end our dramatic vacation, the county sheriff is on his way. Sigh.

pits of hell

I had a creepy dream. I was either in the future, or another planet. Humans were rare, Armageddon type stuff. I was trying to survive, and was weary of others. I was hiding when I peered over and saw a river by an overpass, filled with blood. I heard horrid wailing and moaning and saw some scary hobo looking guy dragging....bodies....of people. He had killed them and not just killed them but like crazy killed them. One body's face was pounded in flat,ripples of flesh marshmallowing out. There were people burning and half alive. I ran to hide into a huge building which was miles long and very tall, filled with beige gray dirt hills in a beige gray building with trains at the top ,carrying minerals, the trains looked like caterpillars. They were robotic and trained to keep humans away, they would annihilate any people in the building so I was hiding in the dirt. It was very cold and while full of dirt, very sterile. I was filled with the most immense loneliness and despair. I knew I was one of the last humans. There was no food or shelter and the elements ie the cold were going to mean a slow but definite death, if the trains or crazy hobo did'nt get me first. Either way I knew my future was gruesome and that I would die, alone, never to be remembered.

ay chihuahua

...said the housekeepers.°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°
So as we have been in a hotel for what....3 weeks now? They have housekeepers who come daily to get new towels, empty the garbage ,etc. They did only garbage yesterday and the housekeepers "forgot" half the trash. Add that to the fact that my son was so ill for the past few days that I didn' t even shower, and well...the tidyness of the room was not a priority.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°Today they come in and my son is napping so I stay while they clean (which means dirty linens since he was asleep on the bed, boo. I mean at home I go weeks without fresh linens but in a hotel, hello, treat me like a queen!). The housekeeping staff is Hispanic and they start chatting to each other en espanol. Now I am not fluent but I can get the general gist of things and so I was able to comprende their conversation. They said, among other things, "ay chihuahua la basura!". I do have to admit, our basura -garbage- was ay chihuahua worthy, I won't deny that. But they they snicker, jajajaja about my muchachos garbage next to his computer....whic hI secretly, silently jajaja about, because I always tease him about his next. Seriously, you set him down with a laptop and bam! He attracts crap like a magnet ,soda cans, dirty socks, tissues, ripped up receipts.... but anyways the housekeeping kept dissing us for our mess. I did not want to go ahem, habla espanol mamasitas, because then they would be all embarrassed and apologetic and we already did that to the desk staff when they tried to kick us out

.°°°°°°°°so a quick insert about that ,we were going to get a two room room so my father in law could crash with us, but then last minute he decided to not come, in between all this, we had come back from the doctor's and my son was ready for his nap, an sick and miserable ,and they said "umm we need you to move rooms. Now." Hubby got all "no she didn't" on them because he has stayed at these brand of motels probably....seriously...2 entire years in ten years, hell they should name a hotel after him .and we had a sick kid. So he did get all papa bear rowrrrrr on them. And we did not move rooms, my son napped, and when we came back from getting his prescription, we were met with gummy butterfly candy, a handwritten apology, and a teddy bear with a hotel shirt on his little furry bear body. I will post a pic in this blog when I feel like it.

 °°°°°°°°°°°°°°°° so back to the housekeeping, they are nice hardworking ladies and I would probably talk behind my back about my garbage and mess, too...especially if I did not know the people had a very very ill child and so they were like f*ck cleaning. So instead I kind of relished in my knowledge of Spanish because I put it to good use. And now as my son's health is improving, I am leaving the room a little less messy.

4th of July

Since I did an American themed post late last month, I won't today even if I should. But, I will reflect on the 4th of July from birth to now. And mostly about fireworks since I am stiill in explosive Indiana and can hear the booms.°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°° As a child, I rarely saw the fireworks. I am not quite sure why, except no...maybe I do know. See, my parents have always gone to bed early. If my parents ever actually went out to eat, they'd be there with the elderly at 4pm for their early bird special at Country Kitchen Cafe (ode to South Park). My parents go to bed no later than 9pm. As a teen, I would often go to bed by 10pm, super early for a teen, because there is only so much you can do stuck in your room, tv or music on super quiet, phone unplugged, no computer, no access to the bathroom or fridge or anything. But anyways, my parents would not go out cause it was too late to drive 15 min to see the fireworks. Add in their non social streak and a fear of crowds and....no fireworks. But I do recall a few times, offroading near the dump and watching the fireworks from afar, through the dense whitethorn brush at fireworks smaller than a penny. But for a kid who knew no better, awesome! We also did not do another quintessential 4th of July thing, bbq. Nope, no bbq as a kid on the 4th. I know, I think such cruelty should be illegal too. Heck I am currently in a hotel and we are commandeering their grill tonight.°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

But sometimes, awesomeness happens. When I was 17 and stayed the summer in Big Bear (best. Summer. Ever. And my cheesy coming of age movie kind of summer) we had a great 4 th. Well, it was almost ruined cause my boyfriend was nearly arrested for having fireworks, all of which are illegal. That is when things clicked, omg I am dating a pyromaniac. But he was super cute and my first kiss so... yeah. Anyways, Big Bear does their fireworks over the lake for obvious super flammable mountain reasons. But you can be on a boat during the show. Like right there. So we were as close as you can get, where you can see and smell them, where your heart stops beating with the boom. They would fill the sky over your head and reflect all sparkly in the water underneath your toe. Awesome. And then we completed the night with flaming arrows. Surprisingly, not the pyro's idea but mine. I have come to learn as an adult I, as a child, had A LOT of bad ideas but was too chicken to do them, but voiced them and had daring friends. So I gathered the cups ,gasoline, and marshmallows but had boyfriend and cousin soak them and hide them. We raided my mom's trunk for her bow and arrow (what, your mom doesn't have a bow and arrows in her trunk?) And voila, we put the gassy marshmallows on the arrow, lit it, pulled the arrow back and flung them into the water.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°So I as an adult lived next to a high school which had its drawbacks like constant school bells and the alarm that would go off almost nightly because the cows and goats (4-H club) attracted coyotes which set off the alarm. At 2am. For an hour. Beginning band practice at 7 am. Etc. But what was awesome was they set the fireworks off there. So instead of paying $10 to sit in a parking lot, we got the show for free, could bbq, pee in a non porta potty, etc. And they went off, like Big Bear, right over our heads. And a C17 plane would fly by, dropping super low over the field and thus our house, shaking the windows, causing ringing in the ears, and just..a feeling of...America.°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

we saw fireworks last night, and sat with one of the hotel workers and his kids, refugees from Nigeria ,which gives you an appreciation for America. I want to give my son a fun 4th every year, to give him fond memories. My niece is stuck indoors, no bbq, and will probably miss the fireworks and it makes me sad. Something as simple as bbq and explosives on a hot summer night is a valuable experience.