So I was thinking, hmm, the education job market is a dying horse so why not try myself at something new, something that is, you know, actually applicable to many careers, cause apparently teaching students and analyzing student data and training staff is applicable only in the classroom (argh!) but I digress...
So since virtual teaching jobs are impossible to get, and I would love to not commute, stay at home, I told hubby that maybe I should do computers. He does computers. I can't describe what he does because his job description is over a paragraph long. He uses lots of acronyms. So basically he manages a team of ABCs around the world and does software architecture for DEF and risk analysis for GHI and works with fortune 500 companies with their JKL software and occasionally moonlights as a MNO for PQR. So, you know, he should know computers.
Me: So maybe I should learn a computer code or skill or something. But what would I be good at?
Hubby: Well probably anything, really, it isn't that hard
Me: And I might get a job cause how many caucasian girls code or whatever? I mean, a white female teacher is a dime a dozen but...hmm...so what is an easy thingy to learn and do?
Hubby: Well how about Oracle and ABC DEF XYZ?
me: oooookkkkaaayyyy.....sssuuurrreee.... what the....?
Hubby: Ok it's easy. So you worked on data tables for your job, so let's say you look at a column and you will do pseudo code for it. Like, add X+2 as I count to 100, you know, if I were the column.
Me:So are they two columns, like you're counting and I'm going la la la can't hear you and I just do X+2 the whole time for 100 spaces?
Hubby: What? No. No. Not at all. Geez. Duh.
Me: Oh so I'm adding X+2 when you say 1. Then X+2 when you say 2.
Hubby (all excited): exactly. So what do you get for 2?
Me: uummmmm (flashbacks of algebra in high school. Can't sleep, variable clowns will XYZ me) uuummmm.... x+2? So 2+x+2 or 2 times X=2? Or is 2 the X?
Hubby: Arrrggh!! forget it then. You suck at math. (My son cries) see even your son is sad that you suck so bad at math.
Me: (Silent treatment for a bit) I'm still confused by the X+2 thing
Hubby: Ok so let's say I'm counting cups of tea. You add 2 teaspoons of sugar to each cup I count
me: Ohh! (man is algebra actually that easy? ) Oh I totally get it now that it's real stuff. (And I think, but if I'm doing this stupid X+2 thing at a job, I will need to know what the freak X is and why I'm adding two. I mean I get X cups of tea with 2 teaspoons sugar each but x+2? No clue man.) Ok. So what else?
Hubby: Ok so if I again count to 100, add 4+4. Ready? (and I nod) So what would 1 be?
me: 1 is 1 plus 4+4 so 9
Hubby: Good what about 2? 3?
me: 2 is 2 and 4+4 so 9, I mean 10, and then 3 is 11.
Hubby: No! Geez! I give up! Computers are not for you. Go back to teaching.
Me: But... (baffled) 4+4 is always 8 and so you add that to 2 and you get 10, 3 and it is 11.
Hubby: No it isn't. God. This is like coding 101 for dummies and you can't get it. 2 is 12 and 2.
me: huh? Oh! You're adding another 4! I got it! Why didn't you clarify?
hubby: ARGH! I DID. I DID. I said add 4+4. I GIVE UP.
me: But....but.... so it's like an exponent or multiplication or something, like exponents cause it grows exponentially, 4+4 and then 4+4+4 and then 4+4+4+4. Why didn't you say that?
Hubby: I DID honey. I said add 4+4 each time.
Me: No you didn't. I get it now. You know, if you say it right. Not like 4+4 each time. I bet if you asked 100 strangers to do that 4+4 thing, they wouldn't get it either.
Hubby: It's coding 101. And no, you don't get it. Cause 4+4 is right. It's pseudo code, math, which you fail to comprehend. Try SAP maybe.
me: Systems Admin...protocol? (yes! I'm smart, see, I know computer language and acronyms!)
Hubby: No just SAP. It's a software.
hubby: (rolls eyes) Just help me put the groceries away.
So see folks? 4+4 is 8 except, you know, when it isn't, which I should totally know. Everyone should know, right? And now I know the joke, "If i have 10 ice cubes and you have 11, how many pancakes can fit on a roof? Purple, because aliens don't wear hats" is totally true and certainly the answer.