disclaimer or something

A mummy-hand holding, (former) biker gang affiliating, hippie influenced semi crunchy granola mom's ramblings and reminisings on an off-kilter life

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

The crazy neighborhood superhero

So we drive home today, pull into the driveway, and hear, roooowr! A cat screech. OMG I think, did we run over my little stray kitty, Gypsy?

Turns out,thank God, we didn't. But I saw some huge black and white cat on the fence across the street, cornering poor little Gypsy. He had to be twice her size, and MEAN. I ran towards them, trespassing on lawns, screaming at him, my son in my arms, and he didn't even flinch. I found a teeny pebble and threw it his direction (of course I'd miss, I'm so blind I can't hit any target) and he moved, and Gypsy jumped off the fence towards me. Then he comes all kung fu style, flying over the fence at Gypsy so she runs across the street, him literally biting her tail, my son and I right behind. It had to have made a sight, two cats chasing each other, followed by a lady and her chocolate-ice-cream bearded infant son (who was incidentally cracking up about it).

I chased them back and forth, through people's yards, till Gypsy hid in a bush and Mr. Bully Cat ran across the street to try and pretend he was gone, but he was behind a bush....watching...until I screamed, "I see you! Go away" at which point I got on all fours and crouched in a bush making mew mew sounds.

Yep, I'm nuts. Or just being the neighborhood superhero again, having saved two dogs, a cat, and a baby.

Yes, a baby. So one day we're driving home and come around the bend and see something pink in the road. We drive to it since, well, we live past the pink thing. It is a baby. A baby. Well maybe....12,13 months? Just learning to toddle and walk but not steadily, walk, walk, fall, repeat. A Baby. In the street. So hubby stops the car sideways to block the road since a construction truck is hauling arse our way and I jump out and grab a little pink footie pj girl. I then think, great, what do I do with a baby? I mean, when you find a lost pet, you grab it, check its tags, put in your garage with food, water, and an old towel, and hope the owners answer their phone or respond to your "found pet" signs in the neighborhood, and you call the local shelter to see if anyone reported a lost pet. But a lost baby? I think CPS would come if I put her in the garage with an old towel and put up "found, baby" signs.

So I decide to go door to door, I mean, babies aren't like migrating whales, especially if they are just beginning to walk, they cannot go far. (Toddlers on the other hand....cheetah fast whale migraters). I don't recall if it was the fist, second, third door I came to but someone answered their door and here I am, holding a strange lost baby. "Excuse me ma'am, is this yours? I foud her in the street."  Ha ha ha. That might be one of the oddest lines I have ever spoken. The mom is on her cell phone, looks quite young, and seems more interested in chatting about American Idol or other pressing news than her child, but she kind of nods yes and then nods at me to say, put the baby over here. I stand there, dumbfounded, and she says, "oh, the garage, it was open."  (So apparently people do keep their kids in the garage with an old towel after all.) I wait for a tearful "thank you, you angel" or a panicked, "oh my freaking God you were in the street? I am sooo glad you didn't get hit, Oh my God oh my God". Nothing, Nada. I just placed the baby in the direction of her nod, mommy goes on chit-chatting, and I close the door.

Whoever the lost baby's family was, they moved out shortly thereafter and I never even thought, at the time, to call the officials to explain the baby in the street. I mean sure, it could happen, the baby walks out of sight and into the street. Trust me. I sadly know a baby that died that way. It happens in a split second no matter how careful the mother. But for the mom to not even bat an eye? That's what bothered me. Hell. I should have kept that baby because I seemed to actually care for her well-being.

And with that, I'm off to look for Gypsy and that mean cat again.  I need a cape darnit. A cape!

1 comment:

  1. Love it! Made me laugh! I needed a good laugh, too! Thanks! (And I'm not three sheets to the wind as you were when you commented on my blog - hope you still like mine sober! ;) )

    Keep it up! You have a great voice! I'll be back to read more! (Good luck with your temp job, too!!)