Friday, March 14, 2014
Excuse my typos and crappy formatting on my nook. Once I find a cheap desk, I get an old laptop and bak! I can blog again, print things, download pictures..... Anyways. The point of this post is brain overload. Recently....I've been depressed. Yup. There. I admitted a huge secret upon the world. Its genetic, with both parents and other relatives afflicted. Isn't depression fun? Not! I ended up hav no motivation at all. For anything. Not even blogging. But I'm seein a counselor, praying, trying to get through it. I had a breakthrough. I was trying to find what makes me happy, what makes me motivated, and trying to fin a job.I thought of making children's books. I still may, little handmade onces to seel on etsy and at the street faire where my mom lives. But I have to be in the groove to do art. So my brain was swirling with cool art ideas, and then....my husband mentioned a time I was truly happy, envigorated, strong, etc. I was speaking to a school board, fighting to keep our site in existence. I had worked with disstrict officials and attorneys and was empowered by knowledge and validation and no one could get in my way. I realized a regular old teaching position might not be for me. And that I indeed often fail in those jobs and that omg that is ok. Not great or ideal but ok. Acceptable. Cause its..."me". That I do better in behind the doors, do whatever you want, challenge the status quo, leadership and brainiac positions. That's what makes me happy and successful. That staying home, depressed, might not be what's best for my kids even though I wish it were. So I'm looking for jobs I want. Not just any job but a job I want for my happiness. My depression is still there, trying to be all...depressing but I'm on a mission.