disclaimer or something

A mummy-hand holding, (former) biker gang affiliating, hippie influenced semi crunchy granola mom's ramblings and reminisings on an off-kilter life

Monday, December 2, 2013

Call me crazy

Call so and so...

I had a bunch of things on my to-do list today, and I procrastinated with every excuse in the book, telling myself I needed to do the dishes, my toddler needed a different shirt on, Facebook just had to be browsed again.

I avoided the truth.

I have phone-phobia.

My heart races just at the thought of calling someone, especially someone I don't know. Call the cable company and the dog groomers? Wait is that the dryer buzzing? Huh? The dogs need to go outside?

I can feel the panic build up inside me and that fight or flight feeling blossom, the flight taking shape and beating the drums-my heart- at breakneck speed. My breath gets quick and shallow. I do a nervous clearing of my throat; the more I do it, the more nervous I am, and that makes me nervous because my husband knows about my "nervous twitch cough".

I don't know exactly why I have an irrational fear of the phone. I know nothing bad can happen and that I compose myself quite well over the phone. There's nothing to fear or worry about. But that means nothing.

Maybe it's because my mom often made calls I could have made as a teen, because she made all the calls for my dad who suffers from Aspergers, social phobia., and anxiety.

Maybe it's my personality. I am an total introvert, my Myers-Briggs is INFP, and "HSP" (Highly Sensitive Person) explains me to a "t".

I wish I knew why I am a phone-phobe so that I could address my phobia and conquer it. Until then, I feel like someone jumped out and screamed "boo!" For ten minutes before and after a phone call.

It feels good to finally admit to this, as it is something I have never told anyone. Maybe this is the first step in surviving a phone call.

1 comment:

  1. Sounds like you already found the source of your phobia - your mom's constant calling when you were a teenager. If you can remember those days and just keep on "seeing" the images and feel the fear connected with the memory of those phone calls, you'll be able to express the repressed fears that were stored within.