I'm no idiot but...

...well, maybe I am.

I love my hubby's Acura for the zoom factor and plush leather seats. But I love my slow as a dog cloth seated Subaru because I can operate it.

I might have a Master's degree and was in the Gifted program in school but this Acura confuses me to no end.

I don't know how to fast forward or change songs on a cd or auxiliary iPod.

I don't know how to display the exterior temp which really sucks because I am a nerd and like to know the temperature on a constant basis.

I apparently don't know how to operate the lights. I drove down a foggy rainy road at dusk for 35 minutes until hubby saw me (we were caravan ing) and flashed his brights at me. Then he kept flashing them and I was like, what?!?! My phone was not connected to Bluetooth but the iPod part was, so when I called him he was as quiet as a whisper an all full of echo but I heard "l l l light ight" and I screamed, "I don't know how!" Being very vision impaired, I was not about to look for the light button so I played with buttons until there was light. I think.

Then it started to rain. I mean, really rain, not the California light drizzle death storm 8000. I have no clue how I work the wipers. I mean, I rarely drive, let alone this car, and I live where we don't see rain from May 1- Nov 15 many years. I never thought to ak my hubby how to use the wipers in a car I never drive in a place that never rains.

So I click the lights and the cd button and then the back window wiper. The back window wiper goes faster and faster and won't stop. I keep pushing, twisting, and pulling things and th front wipers go off, victory! Except that it is to spray water and window cleaner onto my already soaked windshield. I try and remedy it and my blinkers go off and people around me look confused and the back wiper is still on.

I was supposed to rush over I get cat litter and diapers while hubby went home. I am unable to properly see through the sheets of water. I finally find a way to work the damned things, except it is by overextending my middle finger and holding the wiper lever constantly. My finger starts to get sore and I decide screw it. I am going home and admitting defeat and demanding hubby fix the wipers or go to the store himself.

I turn on the blinker to turn into the neighborhood and voila! I get the wipers to work.

I am still not sure how I both turned off the back wiper and turned on the frit wipers. I think I pushed forward and down but I can't be so sure. But I was both laughing, cussing, and crying when they finally worked.