The Dropout

Face it. I am a social drop out. Let me list, in no particular order, my failed attempts at social club type things.

1. Swimming lessons. Being that there were no puboic swimming pools within 20 miles of home, and the fact that seaweed and the lake version (lake weed?) Gave me the heebie jeebies, I didn't know how to swim for quite some time. I took a few lessons at age 12 when visiting my grandparents in Oregon, but when the swim coach decided to teach me to swim in 10 foot deep water, I screamed until she was forced to call my mother to take me home. I never went back. I still don't like swimming in water deeper than I am tall. And being a swim drop-out, all I can do is doggie paddle.
2. Dance lessons. In elementary school it was tres cool to take tap lessons at this one lady's house. She had a real dance studio in her basement, complete with mirrors and dance poles and stuff. Everyone's parents would drop them off for an hour of dance class. In this day and age, you wouldn't dare drop your kid off at a dance lesson in some lady's basement. But, back in the day and in my small safe town, it was normal. I remember pink leotards and a shiny brown floor and doing tap moves and even some ballet. In fact, I kept getting suckered into it. I think I did ballet once and tap twice but never learned a damned thing. Being an antisocial tomboy of sorts, I would get bored a few lessons in, and re-join when a new friend suckered me into it.
3. Singing lessons. I was really into the drama club in high school and all my friends were in choir. I was dying for a part in a play and thought, if I could learn to sing, I'd be golden. I would get the lead in Oliver or Fiddler on the Roof. Well, I didn't, and I dropped out of singing lessons. I did hours a week of lessons and note reading and musical theory and bla bla bla from a retired real operatic singer. I was a second soprano and was going to sing a solo in a little recital and I gave up. I was dreaming of reading notes in my sleep and it was like pulling teeth.
4. I am at 4 right? Sororities. Anyone who knows me woukd ne shocked to even hear me mention sororities due to my distain of them. If you like them or were even a sorority girl, I have no qualms but it is just not for me. But I pledged twice. Kind of. See ,curiosity had got the best of me and I wantee to know the enigma of a sorority.why did people want to join and what did it offer? I was so perplexed that I wanted to do a sort of sociological case study of a sorority. Besides, while I am a self avowed misanthrope, I also love people, quite a conundrum, and so I keep seeking social activities. A sorority was the ultimate social activity. I pledged, paid my dollar fee, and that was that. The pledge activities seemed like something from kindergarten and no amount of alcohol could make me that...I don't even know.
5. Girl scouts. I dreamed of girl scouts until I was old enough to join and gladly rushed to the community center behind school to sign up. I got my application for my uniform and went to the two "free, before you must buy your uniform" meetings. I blamed the cost of the uniform on my dropping out, but it was a farce. Girl scouts was lame. I wanted boy scouts ,but for girls. I wanted to start a fire out of rocks and climb trees and go fishijg. I wanted to tie weird knots and go camping and shoot bows and arrows. All we did in girl scouts was talk about character and cookies. We wouod sit in cliques and giggle and I would just scowl. On my second day, I got the brilliant idea to get the girls to go outside, and you know, do outside stuff. Across the parking lot was a soccer field which had muddy puddles along the edges, infested with tadpoles and frogs. We could catch tadpoles and raise them into frogs! We could climb the rocks above the community center! We could, apparently, stand on the cement and throw a ball twice before the other girls got bored and went inside to giggle about cookies and hair bows.
6. Birthing class. I wanted to be prepared to give birth, and to be knowledgeable and all that. I mean. I love learning and I am secretly a control freak so why not? And best of all Idid not do it alone, husbands were mandatory. We paid our fee and hubby reluctantly came along. We attended maybe 5 of the 10 meetings before dropping out. Maybe it was that we both worked full time and went to school full time. Maybe the classes moved too slow. I am really not sure, but yeah we dropped out. I kind of regret it as I learned nothing about birth itself and was horribly unprepared and dumbfounded during labor. Oh well.
6? 7? Anyways mommy and me. The local library has a mommy and me story time thing. I thought, wow, I can meet friends who live nearby and have young kids and must have lots in common with me. We can socialize, the kids can socialize, and they can listen to a book and watch puppets and it won't be me making cutesy voices and singing lame bursery rhymes that haunt me in my sleep. Win win! Maybe it was that the meetings were at nap time. Maybe it was that my son kept getting ear infections. Maybe it is that he would cry bloody murder whenever anyone couod clap, cheer, or make sudden movements. Maybe it was that my utopian ideal of awesome welcoming moms who were like my soulmates was unfounded. But I maybe attended four times in an entire year, when the meetings were weekly.
I bet there are even more circumstances which escape me. But social things get too loud and giggly and superficial, or too scary, or tooslow and dumbed down for my liking.or maybe I don't get along well with others. Who knows. Either way, I will certainly join and drop out of many more social clubs and events in my life. I hope some day I can find a club that I actually enjoy.