Slugs gone postal

Slugs gone postal

I internet/mail ordered some gifts for my hubby. One, the coolest of the gifts, said it'd deliver between the 23-26th, and the less cool gift, 28-30th.

Well, first, the least cool one, says via tracking "delivery....attempted" WTF? I'm home and never heard Mr. UPS come to the door, and with an ADHD overly paranoid German Shepherd, trust me, I'd know if UPS even drove by, or even knocked on the neighbors door by accident.

So where do packages go that were "failed attempts"? I want the gift darnit, as I'd like something under the tree...

And why is the less-cool, later delivery item already here.....somewhere....? When the will-likely-be-here by Xmas gift is stuck in Texas? That gift was in Louisiana two days ago. Ok, Tx is a big state buuuut it borders LA, so LA - TX does NOT take two days. Unless it is not UPS ground but UPS Slug / Snail? I do really believe either.... a) the ocool gift is indeed being transported by postal snail b) it stopped in LA and started Mardi Gras 2 months early and got a wee bit tipsy and blacked out, passed out in some bayou ditch for two days and is just now un-hungover enough to make its way to TX? It had better NOT get that 64 oz steak or whatever that TX is famous for, or it will be too fat and full to even make it to NM let alone my home.

So, dear UPS, find my darn home, it's actually easy to find, one of the very few mountain homes with a lit-up, plastic, easy-read address thingy in plain sight of the road. And UPS-snail or UPS-had-too-much-alcohol in New Orleans, sober up, hop off the snail or slug and onto the real UPS truck and get here already!!!!