I remodeled our small half bath...okay it is still being finished but I painted the white walls a teal...the color of twilight. I hung a picture I had painted. My mom found a small table for me which I antiqued and decoupaged. Everything needs finishing touches but I am happy with the results; my bathroom feels like a fancy hotel! (See the picture and more text below...)
To paint the walls I used a roller that was not quite rid of paint thinner so it went on spotty...not on purpose until I realized I liked the effect.
The table was covered in torn silver paper and then I made a cool stencil design. More accidents ensued and my acrylic paints adhered to the stencil and ripped up paper and got all gummy, but it added a near aged look. Then I made a blackbird stencil and smashed the ink pad I I the table, stencil in between. Yup, more accidents, as ink doesn't adhere to shiny paper so I carefully applied mod lodge to the ink to set it and then sponged some gray paint over it to try and replicate the stamp texture.
I am linking up at... http://www.prowessandpearls.blogspot.com/2013/10/doing-you-well-wednesday-37-and-some-co.html?m=1
disclaimer or something
A mummy-hand holding, (former) biker gang affiliating, hippie influenced semi crunchy granola mom's ramblings and reminisings on an off-kilter life
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
frozen foreigner
Never before had I seen cords dangling from windows, attached to cars like tentacles, keeping cars from freezing. Never before had my breath formed ice in my scarf. Never before had I been to a place where people actually freeze to death.
In college, I spent a frozen month with my long distance boyfriend in an infamously dangerous neighborhood where I guess even locals fear to tread. I never felt unsafe; graffiti was hard to find and I never saw gang bangers...but then I'm used to how they dress in 80 degree weather....can you sag your two layers of pants? How easy is it to flash gang signs in thick mittens?
Really, I only feared freezing to death. Seriously, who decided a place that is -40c/-40f (counting windchill) in winter should be a great place to live? The village idiot? Walking to the subway at night meant your legs tingled with cold; it was rumored that you should not stay out exposed longer than 30 minutes or you risked hypothermia. Fully dressed. Ice went tinkle tinkle like glass, it was so cold. Rivers froze over- a novelty for a girl from the desert where rivers evaporated. People shopped underground, it was so cold a virtual gopher world. Everything was gray above and below ground, gray and cold.
I feared the laundry room, afraid some former Soviet Republic immigrant might yell at me in a strange language, for doing laundry during his time. I feared that my 4 years of French would fail me. when jhuh swee pehteet (je suis petite, I am small) becomes schweepeetee, does may day (m'aide, help) become mee way or something?
I feared bad gas. I was vegetarian at the time, on a major budget, and lactose intolerant. I basically ate nothing but bread, falafel, baba ghanoush, ramen, and cabbage for a month straight...but perhaps I kept myself a little warmer, farting the days away.
I feared depression because as mentioned, everything was gray, dull, cold and seemed to dampen the mood.
I never feared the neighborhood or its people. Even the subway prostitute was friendly.
I hope someday to return to Quebec, to see it in a livelier month. I recently google-mapped areas I am sure I had tread, I moved the little street view guy here and there around the NDG 'hood and beyond, and nothing looked the least familiar, covered in summery leaves and sunshine. Even my memories are kind of fuzzy, dreamlike. I don't even have a single photo from my month there, and I am that stereotypical tourist snapping a thousand photos. The only vivid memories are emotions and oddly, smells. The smell of dishwater, cabbage, diesel fuel, and snow mix together and say, Quebec. The feeling of poverty, loneliness, just eeking a surviving in a subterranean frozen world.

In college, I spent a frozen month with my long distance boyfriend in an infamously dangerous neighborhood where I guess even locals fear to tread. I never felt unsafe; graffiti was hard to find and I never saw gang bangers...but then I'm used to how they dress in 80 degree weather....can you sag your two layers of pants? How easy is it to flash gang signs in thick mittens?
Really, I only feared freezing to death. Seriously, who decided a place that is -40c/-40f (counting windchill) in winter should be a great place to live? The village idiot? Walking to the subway at night meant your legs tingled with cold; it was rumored that you should not stay out exposed longer than 30 minutes or you risked hypothermia. Fully dressed. Ice went tinkle tinkle like glass, it was so cold. Rivers froze over- a novelty for a girl from the desert where rivers evaporated. People shopped underground, it was so cold a virtual gopher world. Everything was gray above and below ground, gray and cold.
I feared the laundry room, afraid some former Soviet Republic immigrant might yell at me in a strange language, for doing laundry during his time. I feared that my 4 years of French would fail me. when jhuh swee pehteet (je suis petite, I am small) becomes schweepeetee, does may day (m'aide, help) become mee way or something?
I feared bad gas. I was vegetarian at the time, on a major budget, and lactose intolerant. I basically ate nothing but bread, falafel, baba ghanoush, ramen, and cabbage for a month straight...but perhaps I kept myself a little warmer, farting the days away.
I feared depression because as mentioned, everything was gray, dull, cold and seemed to dampen the mood.
I never feared the neighborhood or its people. Even the subway prostitute was friendly.
I hope someday to return to Quebec, to see it in a livelier month. I recently google-mapped areas I am sure I had tread, I moved the little street view guy here and there around the NDG 'hood and beyond, and nothing looked the least familiar, covered in summery leaves and sunshine. Even my memories are kind of fuzzy, dreamlike. I don't even have a single photo from my month there, and I am that stereotypical tourist snapping a thousand photos. The only vivid memories are emotions and oddly, smells. The smell of dishwater, cabbage, diesel fuel, and snow mix together and say, Quebec. The feeling of poverty, loneliness, just eeking a surviving in a subterranean frozen world.
Friday, October 11, 2013
The great craft disaster
Ever done a craft and you did everything wrong an arse backwards? If so you will appreciate my efforts. I am super happy about my recent art and yet super bummed.
I took a class in book arts over a decade ago; my favorite art class ever because it united many loves of mine- books, mixed media, art... There are endless possibilities in book arts and it is addictive.
Word to the wise : if you suck at doing things at precise times in precise order with precise results, book arts will be hell. It was for me. Yes I loved and hated the class because it was wrought with mistakes. I can't even cook anything that isn't slow-cooker because halfway through, I remember I forgot three ingredients. Book arts is not forgiving like the crockpot. Book arts means crooked covers and warped pages, and sliced open appendages ever time I use the knife (I should not be allowed near sharp objects).
So one day I got this grand idea, to make a book for my son. I am a do it now or never type of person when it comes to inspiration so I just went at it and worked into the night writing and painting the pages.
I did not research any "how to" and didn't even think to think about how I made books in the past.
I then kind of forgot my book because I had another son shortly after. I slowly accumulated book supplies and got back to work.
Disaster continued.
I ended up having to glue my folded pages together (a no-no), and has to use 99/cent crappy paints. I sewed the binding and lost track and thus a very a,b,a,b precise patterned binding ended p in clumps. I made book cloth and the glue was too clumpy and wet and bled through and the fabric wrinkled. I tried re-setting the paper and cloth and it wrinkled even more no matter what I did.
I have yet to glue the fabric to a board and the book to make a book cover, another potential disaster awaits.
I at least know all my mistakes. I hope to make another identical book with less mistakes, but who knows.

I took a class in book arts over a decade ago; my favorite art class ever because it united many loves of mine- books, mixed media, art... There are endless possibilities in book arts and it is addictive.
Word to the wise : if you suck at doing things at precise times in precise order with precise results, book arts will be hell. It was for me. Yes I loved and hated the class because it was wrought with mistakes. I can't even cook anything that isn't slow-cooker because halfway through, I remember I forgot three ingredients. Book arts is not forgiving like the crockpot. Book arts means crooked covers and warped pages, and sliced open appendages ever time I use the knife (I should not be allowed near sharp objects).
So one day I got this grand idea, to make a book for my son. I am a do it now or never type of person when it comes to inspiration so I just went at it and worked into the night writing and painting the pages.
I did not research any "how to" and didn't even think to think about how I made books in the past.
I then kind of forgot my book because I had another son shortly after. I slowly accumulated book supplies and got back to work.
Disaster continued.
![]() |
| wrinkles and glue stains oh poo |
I have yet to glue the fabric to a board and the book to make a book cover, another potential disaster awaits.
I at least know all my mistakes. I hope to make another identical book with less mistakes, but who knows.
![]() |
| I cannot stitck |
![]() |
| super cute! esxcept for errant paint |
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
Food snob
(Recipe follows my ramblings)
I finally admit it. I am a food snob.
I could easily demand all my food to be organic, preservative and additive free, and preferably locally sourced. I mean...why does frozen food, a form of preservation, need preservatives? Why do cows need to be fed corn and drugs? But I would go broke trying to live out this fantasy.
Also, I am supposedly picky. I do not like mayo, regular old mustard, ketchup, cold cuts, or cheddar cheese which kinda nixes the typical American diet. Oh and monosodium glutamate gives me a rash and severe migraines. And to boot, my body goes through stages where it refuses to tolerate dairy and or wheat.
I was trying to think though, where did my food snobbery originate?
Home.
My parents are both very picky eaters. My dad must have his meats cooked to mummification, and he can and does live off of salmon, toast, oatmeal, milk, cheese-it's, and eggs. My mother has only recently explored the wild side just a bit...at any "Asian" restaurant she gets teriyaki beef, at any Mexican restaurant, cheese enchilada and any other ethnic restaurant..well she never goes. She could easily live off of brownies (guilty pleasure), burritos (which have since been replaced by cheese enchiladas), cereal, and salad. In fact that is all she really eats.
Growing up, my mom was all about health. She never salted a thing (although if she used a processed food which was rare, it contained salt such as chicken broth) and dessert was a rarity; any home made dessert like a pie didn't contain sugar or sugar substitute. Things like ramen, boxed Mac and cheese, hamburger helper were forbidden... Until I learned to make Lipton noodles at age nine, then those were allowed.
We also had a limited repertoire of meals. Until post-college, the only sausage I knew of was the tube of Farmer John's breakfast sausage or hot dogs, and I had never eaten steak or sweet potatoes. Before college, the only ethnic food I had had was pizza and our 1950s style Chinese restaurant in town, and my mom's Mexican food using lawry's slice packets.
I was thinking, what did my mom make for meals? I cannot blame her for her food decisions but they made me picky even into adulthood- now I am the "feed me not ethnic or fancy foods" type.
Here are the foods my parents made or purchased or what have you- we are out maybe a few times a year.
Spaghetti with beef and squash
Salad
Frozen peas
Corn on the Cobb
Mashed potatoes
Burger patties braised in A-1
Store bought rotisserie chicken
Leftover chicken and canned bean burritos
Ground beef and red leaf lettuce tacos (no hot sauce or cheese)
Cereal
Yogurt
Toast with jam
Microwaved hot dogs on toast
Shit on a shingle (canned chip beef over toast, flour and milk shaken in a jar and heated to make sauce)
Boiled dinner (pot roast beef, water, an onion, a carrot, pinch of pepper, a few gallons of water, a few red potatoes, boil all day)
Chicken breast baked with Russian salad dressing and onions
And on holidays, mummified prime rib and my favorite (honest!) green beans booked with broth, onions, bacon.
And then there were a few fads where we ate a certain food a ton and then never again. Milk fish, which was frozen orange roughy cooked in the oven with milk and a slice of tomato. Fish cakes which was tuna, cheddar stuffed into pillsbury dough and dipped in cream of celery soup. And lastly, a split pea, muenster cheese and ham hock puréed soup.
Sure, you may say, my mom never cooked more things than that. But see I a sure she did, even just once, or you went out to eat and ordered something different. Not us.
And also, my mom was the breadwinner and my dad cannot cook well so she was the family chef. Over tired (and the kind if weirdo where one burrito lasts her 3-4 meals, no joke), we would just have Russian chicken. Or salad. Not together. In college I had a boyfriend and went to his home and his mom mad chicken, rolls (heat and serve), rice, and salad. Afterwards, I pulled him aside and said he needed to tell his mom not to prepare a special feast for me. Aside from holidays, we would never have four things on our plate- rarely would there be two items on the plate.
See, my grandparents were...different. One set was a crazy broken family type so meals were not always, well, meals. The other side, the adults never cooked and were in dire poverty so it was kind of "fend for yourself".
So there...my long winded journey of food snobbery. I'm off to eat Italian beef sandwiches, another "new" food for me. Yum!
Mom's green beans (family recipe so it is all a pinch of this a bit of that)
Bunch green beans (when I go to the farmer's market they sell a bunch in a bag..a pound maybe?), chopped into 3" pieces
Chicken broth
Diced yellow onion
Salt and pepper to taste (ok so my mom never used the salt)
3 slices bacon
-----------------------
Cover green beans in broth and begin to bring to a bubbly but not quite boiling temperature. Meanwhile, chop the bacon and fry; you can dice and sauté the onions in the bacon fat or add raw to the beans.
Add bacon and onions to beans, season to taste.
Cook until they are the desired tenderness- some like chewy beans, some like soggy ones. It should be like a green bean soup and you can strain and eat or eat soupy.
Alternate version- my take
Same ingredients plus a small can (12-16oz) diced tomatoes, pinch of cumin, teeny pinch cayenne.
Cook bacon, then sauté onion in the grease. Add the tomatoes with juice and a splash of the broth...this is not a soupy version but you want enough liquid to soften the beans. Add the spices. Cook until beans are desired tenderness.
I finally admit it. I am a food snob.
I could easily demand all my food to be organic, preservative and additive free, and preferably locally sourced. I mean...why does frozen food, a form of preservation, need preservatives? Why do cows need to be fed corn and drugs? But I would go broke trying to live out this fantasy.
Also, I am supposedly picky. I do not like mayo, regular old mustard, ketchup, cold cuts, or cheddar cheese which kinda nixes the typical American diet. Oh and monosodium glutamate gives me a rash and severe migraines. And to boot, my body goes through stages where it refuses to tolerate dairy and or wheat.
I was trying to think though, where did my food snobbery originate?
Home.
My parents are both very picky eaters. My dad must have his meats cooked to mummification, and he can and does live off of salmon, toast, oatmeal, milk, cheese-it's, and eggs. My mother has only recently explored the wild side just a bit...at any "Asian" restaurant she gets teriyaki beef, at any Mexican restaurant, cheese enchilada and any other ethnic restaurant..well she never goes. She could easily live off of brownies (guilty pleasure), burritos (which have since been replaced by cheese enchiladas), cereal, and salad. In fact that is all she really eats.
Growing up, my mom was all about health. She never salted a thing (although if she used a processed food which was rare, it contained salt such as chicken broth) and dessert was a rarity; any home made dessert like a pie didn't contain sugar or sugar substitute. Things like ramen, boxed Mac and cheese, hamburger helper were forbidden... Until I learned to make Lipton noodles at age nine, then those were allowed.
We also had a limited repertoire of meals. Until post-college, the only sausage I knew of was the tube of Farmer John's breakfast sausage or hot dogs, and I had never eaten steak or sweet potatoes. Before college, the only ethnic food I had had was pizza and our 1950s style Chinese restaurant in town, and my mom's Mexican food using lawry's slice packets.
I was thinking, what did my mom make for meals? I cannot blame her for her food decisions but they made me picky even into adulthood- now I am the "feed me not ethnic or fancy foods" type.
Here are the foods my parents made or purchased or what have you- we are out maybe a few times a year.
Spaghetti with beef and squash
Salad
Frozen peas
Corn on the Cobb
Mashed potatoes
Burger patties braised in A-1
Store bought rotisserie chicken
Leftover chicken and canned bean burritos
Ground beef and red leaf lettuce tacos (no hot sauce or cheese)
Cereal
Yogurt
Toast with jam
Microwaved hot dogs on toast
Shit on a shingle (canned chip beef over toast, flour and milk shaken in a jar and heated to make sauce)
Boiled dinner (pot roast beef, water, an onion, a carrot, pinch of pepper, a few gallons of water, a few red potatoes, boil all day)
Chicken breast baked with Russian salad dressing and onions
And on holidays, mummified prime rib and my favorite (honest!) green beans booked with broth, onions, bacon.
And then there were a few fads where we ate a certain food a ton and then never again. Milk fish, which was frozen orange roughy cooked in the oven with milk and a slice of tomato. Fish cakes which was tuna, cheddar stuffed into pillsbury dough and dipped in cream of celery soup. And lastly, a split pea, muenster cheese and ham hock puréed soup.
Sure, you may say, my mom never cooked more things than that. But see I a sure she did, even just once, or you went out to eat and ordered something different. Not us.
And also, my mom was the breadwinner and my dad cannot cook well so she was the family chef. Over tired (and the kind if weirdo where one burrito lasts her 3-4 meals, no joke), we would just have Russian chicken. Or salad. Not together. In college I had a boyfriend and went to his home and his mom mad chicken, rolls (heat and serve), rice, and salad. Afterwards, I pulled him aside and said he needed to tell his mom not to prepare a special feast for me. Aside from holidays, we would never have four things on our plate- rarely would there be two items on the plate.
See, my grandparents were...different. One set was a crazy broken family type so meals were not always, well, meals. The other side, the adults never cooked and were in dire poverty so it was kind of "fend for yourself".
So there...my long winded journey of food snobbery. I'm off to eat Italian beef sandwiches, another "new" food for me. Yum!
Mom's green beans (family recipe so it is all a pinch of this a bit of that)
Bunch green beans (when I go to the farmer's market they sell a bunch in a bag..a pound maybe?), chopped into 3" pieces
Chicken broth
Diced yellow onion
Salt and pepper to taste (ok so my mom never used the salt)
3 slices bacon
-----------------------
Cover green beans in broth and begin to bring to a bubbly but not quite boiling temperature. Meanwhile, chop the bacon and fry; you can dice and sauté the onions in the bacon fat or add raw to the beans.
Add bacon and onions to beans, season to taste.
Cook until they are the desired tenderness- some like chewy beans, some like soggy ones. It should be like a green bean soup and you can strain and eat or eat soupy.
Alternate version- my take
Same ingredients plus a small can (12-16oz) diced tomatoes, pinch of cumin, teeny pinch cayenne.
Cook bacon, then sauté onion in the grease. Add the tomatoes with juice and a splash of the broth...this is not a soupy version but you want enough liquid to soften the beans. Add the spices. Cook until beans are desired tenderness.
wordless wednesday
shhh you do not see these words...I wanted to say not say that I am new to wordless weds where you post a picture so here goes.... thanks aquariann for the link up
If Martha were manic
![]() |
| Always in constant motion. I taught him how to use my camera. |
However, I have to brag because in the past two weeks I cooked and actually made edible food-not just edible but delicious. Herbed lamb steaks, herbed pork roast, Italian roast beef, Portuguese bean soup to name what I remember.
![]() |
| I painted the bathroom, and even hung a picture I had painted. |
Looked. Three days later it looks like a disaster. I kept up the Martha act until today because I have a migraine aura which makes my vision all wonky and so I don't want to clean. And it is really cold, windy, and wet outside so I don't want to take the garbage out. So my house is a mess.
But I did paint the bathroom yesterday, after over 6 months of "gonna paint it", I did it. Whenever I go in the bathroom now it is like a mini vacation to someone else's exotic bathroom. Yep cause I live on the edge here ha ha ha.
So I feel both accomplished and defeated, a regular old manic Martha Stewart.
![]() |
| an F-2 toddler tornado struck the hallway, cleanup efforts have yet to begin |
Monday, September 30, 2013
Fiction: Mark of the Beast
He had it coming to him. That toothy jack-o-lantern grin would mark him for life, like the Scarlett Letter's A, displaying his ugly transgressions for all to see.
She arrived at the campsite at dark, later than expected, and was greeted with an opaque cup of vodka with a splash of cola, shoved into her hand, "you gotta make up for time lost, chug it". She closed her eyes, wincing back the scalding burn which soon turned into a warm, swirling, calming familiarity that drove her to order another. It was Spring Break after-all.
She heard the tinny tunes of music reverberating from a car and she danced as the campfire went double-single-double and as her cares were numbed away into a surreal jungle of alcohol. Her stomach began to churn, rusty gears grinding and rusty inside her. She stumbled, barefooted (what the hell happened to my shoes, she thought) through the still-hot sands, weaving around towards the restroom; occupied, she waited outside the concrete block of stench, her legs still moving to the beat of music no longer playing.
That's when it happened.
She heard the screech of tires and hollers of drunken men and looked over to find her friends-maybe they knew of another restroom, maybe they have a spare shirt for me if I retch right here, she thought. Her double vision and intoxication did not process much as she began to climb the tailgate, tattooed arms grabbed her a little too hard, their laughter a little too maniacal. This isn't the truck, she thought. Shit. I don't know these people. She tried to stand up to jump out, but the truck revved up and she was knocked down on her knees, her blood pumped alcohol like a jackhammer into her body which was failing her. Hands began to pull at her skirt, grope her breasts, a Medusa beast pinning her down as she wished she could just black out. Do it, she told herself. Get up. She bit her lip as she exhaled and summoned all the prayers and strength inside her, and began to flail and swing wildly, kicking, biting, screaming a slurred "jou mudder-puckershhh get a puck offa me" as she scrambled for the tailgate and jumped out as the truck rounded a bend, the alcohol numbing the now-sprained ankle and scrapes as she rose from a fall and ran back to camp.
She remembered one of their tattoos, a silhouette of a naked woman as seem on trucker's mud flaps. How befitting. "Jou gotta fine da guysh" she mumbled, as she jumped into the correct truck, the backseat driver for the boys who were gonna seek vengeance.
That's when she saw him, a few sites away, on his tailgate drinking beer and cursing, "that bitch got away". They pulled into his camp and her boyfriend jumped out at warp speed and grabbed the guy by his naked lady tattoo and slammed his face into the campfire rocks. "That "bitch" is my girl," growled her boyfriend, "and you better remember, when you need reconstructive surgery tomorrow, just what you tried to do" and he left him bleeding in the sand, white front teeth decorating the rocks like jewels.
She arrived at the campsite at dark, later than expected, and was greeted with an opaque cup of vodka with a splash of cola, shoved into her hand, "you gotta make up for time lost, chug it". She closed her eyes, wincing back the scalding burn which soon turned into a warm, swirling, calming familiarity that drove her to order another. It was Spring Break after-all.
She heard the tinny tunes of music reverberating from a car and she danced as the campfire went double-single-double and as her cares were numbed away into a surreal jungle of alcohol. Her stomach began to churn, rusty gears grinding and rusty inside her. She stumbled, barefooted (what the hell happened to my shoes, she thought) through the still-hot sands, weaving around towards the restroom; occupied, she waited outside the concrete block of stench, her legs still moving to the beat of music no longer playing.
That's when it happened.
She heard the screech of tires and hollers of drunken men and looked over to find her friends-maybe they knew of another restroom, maybe they have a spare shirt for me if I retch right here, she thought. Her double vision and intoxication did not process much as she began to climb the tailgate, tattooed arms grabbed her a little too hard, their laughter a little too maniacal. This isn't the truck, she thought. Shit. I don't know these people. She tried to stand up to jump out, but the truck revved up and she was knocked down on her knees, her blood pumped alcohol like a jackhammer into her body which was failing her. Hands began to pull at her skirt, grope her breasts, a Medusa beast pinning her down as she wished she could just black out. Do it, she told herself. Get up. She bit her lip as she exhaled and summoned all the prayers and strength inside her, and began to flail and swing wildly, kicking, biting, screaming a slurred "jou mudder-puckershhh get a puck offa me" as she scrambled for the tailgate and jumped out as the truck rounded a bend, the alcohol numbing the now-sprained ankle and scrapes as she rose from a fall and ran back to camp.
She remembered one of their tattoos, a silhouette of a naked woman as seem on trucker's mud flaps. How befitting. "Jou gotta fine da guysh" she mumbled, as she jumped into the correct truck, the backseat driver for the boys who were gonna seek vengeance.
That's when she saw him, a few sites away, on his tailgate drinking beer and cursing, "that bitch got away". They pulled into his camp and her boyfriend jumped out at warp speed and grabbed the guy by his naked lady tattoo and slammed his face into the campfire rocks. "That "bitch" is my girl," growled her boyfriend, "and you better remember, when you need reconstructive surgery tomorrow, just what you tried to do" and he left him bleeding in the sand, white front teeth decorating the rocks like jewels.
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